"Grief is a journey, often perilous and without clear direction," writes author Molly Fumia. "The experience of grieving cannot be ordered or categorized, hurried or controlled, pushed aside or ignored indefinitely. It is inevitable as breathing, as change, as love. It may be postponed, but it will not be denied." 

Fumia says it well. When it comes to grieving the death of a loved one, there are no linear patterns, no "normal" reactions, no formulas to follow. The word "grief" is derived from the French word "grève," meaning a heavy burden. Indeed, the physical, emotional, psychological and spiritual implications can be overwhelming.

While grief is an expected response to a significant loss, the unfamiliar emotions that arise can lead to feelings of helplessness, fear and isolation.

Following a death, everyone works through these stresses differently. Some are instantly devastated; others feel numb and disconnected. Some withdraw socially, while others reach out for support. What's more, just when the initial shock begins to subside, a deeper sense of reality and despair sets in. Those who grieve may need to learn new skills, adopt different habits and adjust to daily life without the physical presence of the person who died.

Although grieving is an individual experience, there are symptoms many people share after suffering personal loss:

• Feels physically drained
• Can't sleep at night
• Forgetful and unable to think clearly
• Noticeable change in appetite
• Physical distress such as chest pains, headaches or nausea
• Stays extremely busy to avoid thinking about his or her grief
• Eats, drinks watches television, etc. excessively
• Participates in harmful activities
• Senses or dreams about the deceased
• Becomes withdrawn, lonely and apathetic
• Frequent sighing and crying

Each person sets his or her own pace when grieving. There will be ups and downs, moments of relief followed by moments of anguish. The first few days after someone dies are generally the most intense, marked by chaos, strong emotions and a "dreamlike" sensation.

Over time, a host of emotions may emerge. From guilt to remorse to anger, reactions vary from person to person. It's not uncommon for grieving loved ones to ask questions like Why did this happen? Where was God? or Why didn't the doctors find the cancer sooner?

Among those mourning a death, some find the pain diminishes within weeks or months. They arrive at a place of acceptance, peace and hope for the future. They reminisce about their deceased loved one instead of feeling consumed by memories.

For others, the healing process persists and it is difficult to enjoy a reasonable quality of life. Everyday events and significant life markers are painful reminders of what could have been.

If debilitating symptoms continue longer than six months, we suggest seeking professional help. Call us at 916-860-0860 and ask for assistance. We can refer you to someone in your area who can help you through this difficult time.)

The intensity of grief may relate to the following factors:

• Whether the death was sudden or expected
• Your feelings about the person who died
• Your personality, family background, coping style and life experience
• Your belief system and view on death
• How those around you react and support you
• The grieving process can be long and isolating, yet it's crucial to accept support rather than grieve alone. Talking about grief is an essential part of healing. Receiving reassurance and feeling understood will help make the recovery process more complete during one of life's most challenging times.

If you’re interested in more of the benefits a corporate chaplain can have inside your place of business, please reach out; I’d love to visit with you. Email me: dhall@ccchaps.org

Copyright © 2007 Patricia Johnson. Used with permission. All rights reserved.

​After a traumatic event, people may go through a wide range of normal responses. Such reactions may be experienced not only by people who experienced the trauma first-hand, but by those who have witnessed or heard about the trauma, or been involved with those immediately affected.

​Many reactions can be triggered by persons, places, or things associated with the trauma. Some reactions may appear totally unrelated.
​
Here is a list of common physical and emotional reactions to trauma, as well as a list of helpful coping strategies. These are NORMAL reactions to ABNORMAL events.


Physical Reactions

• aches and pains like headaches, backaches, stomach aches
• sudden sweating and/or heart palpitations (fluttering)
• changes in sleep patterns, appetite, interest in sex
• constipation or diarrhea
• easily startled by noises or unexpected touch
• more susceptible to colds and illnesses
• increased use of alcohol or drugs and/or overeating

Emotional Reactions

• shock and disbelief
• fear and/or anxiety
• grief, disorientation, denial
• hyper-alertness or hypervigilance
• irritability, restlessness, outbursts of anger or rage
• emotional swings -- like crying and then laughing
• worrying or ruminating -- intrusive thoughts of the trauma
• nightmares
• flashbacks -- feeling like the trauma is happening now
• feelings of helplessness, panic, feeling out of control
• increased need to control everyday experiences
• minimizing the experience
• attempts to avoid anything associated with trauma
• tendency to isolate oneself
• feelings of detachment
• concern over burdening others with problems
• emotional numbing or restricted range of feelings
• difficulty trusting and/or feelings of betrayal
• difficulty concentrating or remembering
• feelings of self-blame and/or survivor guilt
• shame
• diminished interest in everyday activities or depression
• unpleasant past memories resurfacing
• suicidal thoughts
• loss of a sense of order or fairness in the world; expectation of doom and fear of the future
• anger towards religion or belief system; loss of beliefs
• desire for revenge

Helpful Coping Strategies

• mobilize a support system -- reach out and connect with others, especially those who may have shared the stressful event
• talk about the traumatic experience with empathic listeners
• cry
• drink water to stay hydrated
• hard exercise like jogging, aerobics, bicycling, walking
• relaxation exercise like yoga, stretching, massage
• humor
• prayer and/or listen to music
• hot baths
• art
• maintain balanced diet and sleep cycle as much as possible
• avoid over-using stimulants like caffeine, sugar, or nicotine
• commitment to something personally meaningful and important every day
• hug those you love, pets included
• eat some food
• proactive responses toward personal and community safety -- organize or do something socially active
• write about your experience -- in detail, just for yourself or to share with others

If you’re interested in more of the benefits a corporate chaplain can have inside your place of business, please reach out; I’d love to visit with you. Email me: dhall@ccchaps.org